The Family That Prays Together
by coffeebuddha
Summary: Gabriel's just past his two thousandth birthday the first time he runs away, but Lucifer tells him he's acting more like he's nine hundred.


The first time Gabriel runs away from home, he's just past his two thousandth birthday. When Lucifer finds him deflowering his way through two different centuries worth of Vestal Virgins, he tells him he's acting more like he's nine hundred and drags him home by his ear. Azrael bitches nonstop, because Death and all the reapers are gone for a 'conference'-which means they're probably skiing on Pluto or some shit-and he's alone on reaping duty while they're away and _damn it, Gabriel, if you're going to debauch sacred virgins who get killed for being physically intimate, would it kill you to be discreet?_ Michael accuses him of just trying to get attention, then flounces off to exchange tragic, put upon looks with Lucifer in their secret tree fort that _everyone_ knows about in the southeast corner of the Garden. Metatron doesn't stop laughing for a decade and he nearly causes an avalanche in the Himalayas because of it.

The second time, he aims for the Cretaceous Period, because he wants to hang out with a Tyrannosaurus rex; their little arms make him snicker. Unfortunately, he overshoots by a couple of million years and winds up in the Cenozoic Period, which has some perks, but isn't what he _wanted_. By the time Raguel finds him, he's been sulking for so long and so hard that the temperature is in a steady decline and the entire place is looking a little rough around the edges. Raphael yells himself hoarse, because the dude has an anger management problem, and when he sees the graffiti Gabriel left all over the place-'Heaven bites the big one!' 'Michael: big ass sword, tiny flickering Grace' 'For a good time, summon Uriel'-he gets so pissed off that he sends a bunch of rocks hurtling toward the earth. Azael points out that he may have overreacted a little bit, and the resulting bitch fit sends the entire planet into an ice age until Michael and Metatron gang up on Raphael and tell him to stop being an asshole. The whole time, Lucifer floats around with a pinched, dimmed look to his Grace that practically screams, "I love my brothers, because I have to, but they're driving me out of my mind."

Gabriel's well into his tenth millenia the third time. He spends three weeks living in a little girl's doll house in El Paso, Texas during the 1960s before Metatron shows up to bring him home. Of course, things go a little bit sideways when Metatron decides to possess little Suzy's teddy bear instead. Gabriel inhabits a velveteen rabbit and the three of them have amazing adventures in Suzy's backyard for another month before Uriel shows up, his Grace practically crackling with displeasure. It would be a problem, except that Metatron hasn't completely forgiven him for the entire Pompeii Fiasco yet and, while he's one of the more laid back archangels, he can still kick Uriel's ass for six days and not be even a little tired by the seventh. So Uriel spends five days as a small, pink stuffed dog and attends tea parties and has an epic romance with a Chatty Cathy doll. Gabriel takes pictures and Metatron makes copies for _everyone_ and Uriel swears that he doesn't care how much God loves humans, they're all horrible, evil monkeys.

He's twelve thousand when a small misunderstanding results in Michael and Lucifer's secret tree fort literally falling down around their halos. Gabriel doesn't really consider it the fourth time, because he isn't so much running away as beating a strategic retreat. They catch up with him in Atlantis, which is just unfortunate, because he's always _liked_ Atlantis.

The fifth time, he ends up running a small blues club in New Orleans. He mixes drinks and wipes down the bar and plays the trumpet whenever the mood strikes him. It's laid back and easy and more perfect than Heaven's felt in a long time. Ramiel shows up to usher him back this time, and Gabriel's a little surprised it took this long for him to get involved since he's all about dragging people through the pearly gates. Ramiel looks around like he doesn't know what to make of Gabriel's little hole in the wall, but when Gabriel pushes a drink into his vessel's hand and says that the only way he'll leave peacefully is if they can stay until closing, Ramiel doesn't argue. The two of them lose track of time and end up staying for another decade and a half.

The sixth time, it isn't running away. Lucifer's gone, Michael's distress is making the entire Garden wilt, and all of Heaven is torn apart with grief. Gabriel doesn't run, he just leaves, slipping away when no one is looking. When it finally occurs to his brothers to look, he's impossible to find, because for the very first time he truly doesn't want to be found.

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